My Husband Just Left Me For A Woman That Blows My Mind….?
Actually we are divorced, but were still dating, loving, & sharing a life. I went out of town for a couple of months & while I was there… he told me that he had fallen in love. Ok.. That’s fair… I was shocked when I returned to our town & met her… She is exactly the type of woman that he always made fun of. Not only is she unattractive, but she wears bright blue eyeshadow & bright pink lipstick… has tanned her skin to the point of extreme wrinkles … she ’s older than him… 65 or so.. 8 yrs older than him…. has a reputation of a man-crazy woman & vicious gossip.. & I am so hurt. I know it’s partially my ego, but goodness, after 15 yrs with this man.. I couldn’t be more surprised if I found out he was gay. I feel like I don’t know him. He won’t talk to me & I am wanting advice on how to deal with these feelings. I am obsessed & it is interfering with my sanity.
September 28th, 2009 at 1:52 am
sounds like he’s in crisis & looking for someone but you who won’t tell him about reality, even if that involves love. i bet anything it’s a purely sexual affair & over before you know it, but my question to you… why stick around? or at least go out have fun, live life, maybe meet someone without all the dysfunction…
September 28th, 2009 at 6:22 am
Love isn’t that superficial.
September 28th, 2009 at 8:56 am
Maybe she does sexual things that you didn’t.
September 28th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
You were divorced & still dating & loving & sharing a life ? WOW , thats ummm WOW.Why divorce in the 1st place then if you still dated & had physical intercourse ? Thats just WOW to me .
As to the unattractive comment , tanned wrinkly skin , man crazy & vicious gossip , well says a lot about the man you married , divorced & then had a relationship with now doesnt it.
Move on find someone else you should have done that in the 1st place that way you wouldnt feel like you’d lost him twice.
Good luck.
September 28th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
It’s gotta be kinky sex..
my guess
September 28th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Listen your husband Left you for older woman right get over it & stop acting like it is the end of the world whether she is attractive or not she spoke to him with her heart & that’s how he got away. Your still going out with him get a life & stop this nonsense okay & make your life a little happier instead of sitting around wondering what happen.
Why don’t you go out & meet some new friends & stop sitting around driving your self crazy because i am sure he is happy so why cant you just let go & find some happiness of your own.
best of luck
September 28th, 2009 at 11:53 pm
well at least he didn’t leave you for another man that wears bright pink lipstick & bright blue eye shadow now if that happened I’m sorry I would just have to laugh
September 29th, 2009 at 5:44 am
What a soap opera! divorced but still dating, you go out of town & he falls in love with Tammy Faye Baker. yeesh….this should give you some clue as to why you divorced him in the first place.
Let her have him & take it up with someone young hunk. Be happy & get a young stallion, that’ll be the best revenge.
September 29th, 2009 at 6:06 am
“…. has a reputation of a man-crazy woman & vicious gossip.. & I am so hurt.”
Sounds like he wants his turn on the Tilt-a-Whirl.
Hate to be harsh – but she likely does things to him that he either has NEVER had done, or that you two haven’t done since you were dating BEFORE your marriage.
If he’s in his mid 50’s he probably thinks, “Hell – life’s short might as well ride the wild side while I still can.”
That would be the ONLY reason he would go for a gal like you’ve described.
NOTE – I’m happily married & do NOT intend to stray, but if my wife & I ever split for some reason, I’ve already decided I’m going to go after the type of woman I’d be excited about everyday – not the type that is “respectable”, & acceptable to my family / society / etc…..
If there is ever a “second time around” – its going to be the wildest carnival ride I can find. I’m too far along to give a damn about what anyone might think of me (or the relationship).
**************************************…
I bet your ex is thinking the exact same thing !
September 29th, 2009 at 6:53 am
Maybe your husband is a gold digger & he is hoping to be in her WILL & make some cash, I mean really sounds like you didn’t lose much. I would have the same amount of emotions if he left you for another man as I would another women who is ugly & old. I say find yourself & stud & make him look even more foolish then he already does!
September 29th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Just let it go. You will always wonder why her & you may never know. Maybe she does something in the sack that really does it for him.
September 29th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
You said it yourself – you are obsessed. You are divorced but you haven’t moved on. You are having sex with him & yet you admit he is free & available. why are you surprised that he has been playing the field. Sorry if this sounds harsh but you are the stupid one. You gave him the freedom to roam but you didn’t give it to yourself. And don’t EVER be surprised when men end up with the very thing they say they didn’t want. They’re all nuts. Now move on! Go buy yourself a new outfit, get your hair done, have a wonderfully luxurious massage . I saw a cute sign the other day that said “Put on your big girl panties & deal with it!” Couldn’t have said it better myself.
September 29th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Take is for what it is & now you & your girlfriends can talk shi* & laugh at him!.. thats what my mom & her girlfriends do everymonth about there ex husbands. While getting drunk..lol
September 29th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Its time you moved on. You are divorced. Go find yourself a younger man.
September 30th, 2009 at 3:51 am
Well, unfortunately (or should I say fortunately) you are divorced, so basically he can date anyone he wants to. If he has such bad taste, then you don’t want to be associated with him anyway. So, as others have said, perhaps it’s time to move on. But, I am sorry that you’re feeling so badly; 15 years is a long time. Maybe you should speak to a professional who can help you sort it out.
September 30th, 2009 at 5:51 am
One: You are divorced. You have no say in his relationships.
Two: Why in the heck were you still sleeping with him? That just confused the issue.
Three: He doesn’t need to talk to you. You are the EX-wife. he doesn’t need to justify himself to you.
Four: You have no right to feel hurt. Surprised, yes. Astonished, yes. You can laugh your head off. But feeling hurt is silly. This has NOTHING to do with you — unless that’s why you’re hurt?
Five: You’re still hung up on this dude, or else you wouldn’t be obsessed with him. You divorced him, but it doesn’t sound like you moved on. Now it’s time to move on.
September 30th, 2009 at 7:58 am
Is a sexual thing am sure. Move on. You deserve to be happy to.
September 30th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Honey, I’m sorry. That really sucks. And I don’t care what everybody else says, just because you were legally divorced does not mean that you did not still have a relationship with this man. 15 years? That sounds like a marriage to me. The paper isn’t what makes a marriage, it’s the relationship.
I do think that perhaps you two should have defined your relationship a bit more clearly. Perhaps if you had sat down & said “you go out with someone else, that’s cheating on me” you could have saved yourself some heartache. But what is done is done, & I won’t harp on you for that.
I do feel for you. This has to feel just like he cheated on you, & I’m sorry.
But along that line, that’s how I would handle these feelings. As if he cheated. Moving on is important, but it’s going to be hard to do. And going out & getting yourself some young stud is NOT going to help you. It may keep you busy & your mind off the subject, but it won’t fix the hurt or help you to move on in a healthy manner. Realize & admit to yourself that you loved this man, & that he hurt you. If you feel like he cheated on you, you have the right to feel that way. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL WHATEVER YOU WANT. Remember that. What you do NOT have the right to do is take out your feelings on him. He made his choices, & this is his loss, but its not your job to tell him that.
You need to be able to grieve this relationship. You’ve lost something important to you. To simply “move on” & find someone else is only going to do two things: hurt the person you rebound on, & hurt yourself later when you realize that you still aren’t happy & just wasted 6 months on nothing & you’re still in the same position.
My advice? Gather your friends around you. I’m sure you have close girlfriends who will hash this through with you & stand by your side. Cry when you want to. Tears are theraputic. Never deny your feelings. Always acknowledge how you feel & tell yourself you have the RIGHT to feel that way.
Also, distance yourself from him. This is going to be the hardest part, but it is vital. No phone calls. No emails. No drink dates…even just as friends. You’re not ready to be friends right now. Maybe eventually, but NOT now. If you continue to see him, & force yourself to treat him as a friend, you will only be letting him continue to hurt you & you don’t need that. Stay away from him, places you went together, things you used to do together…just for the time being. Slowly, you’ll be able to add those things back into your life…but as long as they continue to bring you tears, you’re only continuing to hurt yourself & prolong the amount of time it takes to get over him.
Love him. Lose him. Let him go. Slowly. Healthily. Never push down your feelings. Talk to people. Keep people who love you around you. They will help.
And if you need someone to talk to, email me: emotionalbasketcase@hotmail.com I’m always up for a good girl session.
Remember you are loved. You know it’s true. Go find one of those people who love you. They are who you truly need right now.