Is My Husband Cheating On Me?
two weeks ago , my husband wore a white t-shirt & had an outing-clubbing with his friends.He came back late at abt 3.30pm. Next morning when i was abt to was his t-shirt i noticed a pink stain on the t-shirt shoulder. (more like a lipstick stain).After washing the t-shirt the stain was gone. On Saturday he went clubbing again & came back with the same coloured stain on his t-shirt. When i confronted him ,he said that the waitress accidently brushed against him while him placing his drink order. He goes to a club where there are dancers on the dance floor performing. Most male throw money on these girls. confused please reply. This has been going on for 21 years.
November 3rd, 2009 at 11:40 pm
21 years, you can not possibly be serious! So this waitress accidentaly brush her lipstick on him everytime..hmmm wat a coinincidence. So why do you allow him to go clubbing…naturally when you suspect someone doing something wrong in most cases they are!!
November 4th, 2009 at 4:40 am
he’s full of crap, someone gave him a lap dance… & by the way, going to a strip club is cheating… so he’s been cheating all this time… why do you stay w/ this man??? =(… him getting lap dances is cheating too… & him letting a woman kiss him is cheating too… I would have dumped him by now, kids or no kids, do you want your son to be like this man? (if you have a son)… do you want your daughter to put up w/ a man like this??? =(…
November 4th, 2009 at 9:19 am
YES HE IS CHEATING ON YOU. GIRL 21 YEARS THAT IS TOOOOOOOOOOOO MANY YEAR…
November 4th, 2009 at 9:25 am
How old are you? What is 2 plus 2? If you can answer the second question then you know he is cheating on you.
November 4th, 2009 at 10:28 am
based on him going to dance clubs,,, no
the girls are giving him dances & rubbing up on him
However,, why is he going out & staying late? Are you sleeping with him… if not he is out finding it someplace else.
base on my experience,, if I was out all night,,, I was cheating
November 4th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
He’s been going to lapdancing clubs for 21 years? It doesn’t matter if he is cheating on you or not – the only reason someone would KEEP going back to these places is because there is something missing from their own home lives that they need.
I suspect your marriage is far from fulfilling for either of you & your self esteem is so low you don’t think you could survive out of it.
Basically, don’t confornt him about if he is having an affair, just say to him “I want you to stop going to these places & together I want us to find that missing spark in our relationship -we will find whatever it is that’s missing in our relationship & fix it”. If he says “No” then just get divorced before you set yourself up for another 21 years of self doubt & misery.
November 4th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
And you’re not over it yet!!!?????
November 4th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
leave your husband his playing you for a fool make him chose his hores or you & a think your mad for not leaving him earlier do you have any children if noy leave or maybe he has his reasons maybe you let your self go for a few years & you look like crap if not then leave him only a stupid guy would cheat on a beautiful woman. Leave him make your self more gorgeous & then make him regret for cheating on you!
November 5th, 2009 at 3:05 am
this lipstick stain thing has been going on for 21 years, & you ARE JUST NOW ASKING??? WTF?
yes, he’s cheating, & has been doing so for YEARS, since you let him.
November 5th, 2009 at 5:49 am
have you checked his dipstick for lipstick?
November 5th, 2009 at 7:20 am
You’ll never know what happened for sure but read his face & be honest with yourself about whether you believe him or not
November 5th, 2009 at 10:26 am
yes he is cheating
November 5th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
You might have to trust your husband
after all the only thing you have got to lose
is your husband
November 5th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Take a sneaky trip there & see for yourself whats goin on
November 5th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
You should have put an end to that nonsense 21 years ago.
What can you do now? He probably has been doing a lot of things behind your back for the past 21 years.
I would definitely tell him that he needs to change his ways & quit going to those places. It isn’t right. He is a married man. What is he doing in those places?
He has no business skirting around.
Either you give him his what for, or kick him out that door.
The choice is yours. -Good luck.
November 6th, 2009 at 1:14 am
OMG, I’m sorry, is your husband’s name John? Mike? or Kevin? I think I was the waitress..
LOL
November 6th, 2009 at 6:10 am
I dont know about your husband but you have been cheating yourself. Why would you be concerned with a little lipstick when it doesnt bother he stays at the “pay the ladies dancing” club on a regular basis.
November 6th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
its only cheating if his not paying for it, sounds to me like his paying for it , so no worries there
November 6th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
It sounds like he is going to strip joints. I question his fidelity if this is a normal part of his weekly or monthly routine. Guys don’t go to these places to always just look but never touch. They eventually graduate to lap dances & depending on the rules where you live, there can often be quite a bit of touching going on. Strippers come by & want to sit in your lap so you will buy a lap dance from them or a private performace at your table or in some darker, more private area of the club.
Whatever the case, he may say this is all “perfectly innocent” but I don’t think it is. He is obviously fantacizing & spending his money on other women versus you or his own family. One can argue that a lap dance is not “cheating” per se, but I would still call it very questionable. He’s cheating on you in his heart at least & sometimes that’s almost worse than the real thing.
I would seriously tell him that you do not approve of him going to strip clubs but if he insists on going, then tell him he has to take you with him. I’ve known numerous ladies who knew they could not keep their man reigned in from going to strip joints (they were not married) so instead of letting him go alone, they would attend with him. And actually, I somewhat respected that because it showed real confidence & security on the part of the woman to sit there & not get jealous of all the beautiful bodies walking by & on stage.
So be forewarned…the ladies who dance at these places are sometimes quite exotic looking with great bodies (it’s their profession) so if you have any insecurity about the way you look, get your head & your act together before putting yourself through that kind of potential torture. If I were your husband & knew your feelings would be hurt by my going to one of these places, I wouldn’t go. You would be Number One…”forsaking all others” as the wedding vows say.
If he has been doing this for 21 years, then he probably is middle-aged so there is a youth element he is attracted to & that can be a very hard pill for a wife to swallow. But you shouldn’t have to. I think he is in the wrong, he is being selfish, & you have every right to be upset. He should not forbid you from going along with him where-ever he goes. You are not his keeper, but neither is he your keeper. This is supposed to be on the basis of trust & understanding but he doesn’t seem to be very trustworthy from what I’m reading here.
Lipstick on his collar may have come from a lap dance as strippers often swarm about the man’s neck area, his face, his ears, etc….all erotic zones they sometimes play on to get a guy aroused. They will also come by & get close, whispering in your ear to make their solicitation for a lap dance because the music is loud & a lipstick stain could be transferred that way too. Check you family finances because those lap dances are frequently $20 each. The money just FLIES out of a guys pocket when they go to a strip club which is one reason I just stayed away.
November 6th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
Well, not knowing how your relationship is with you husband is going. Do you talk, are you open about things. Does he handle the finances, doesn’t let you see ATM with-drawls? There are many clues you need to look for outside of stains on clothing.
Remember many men go to those clubs to watch a fantasy & some don’t know when its ended. So they will talk to the girls there, seeking more than just a show…but with that said, lots of those women, know men, they want the attention & they will pay for it too, Sex is the oldest profession for a reason.
Be honest with him & tell him your concerns. Nothing is gained by silence. But remember men look to “talks” as nagging so only bring it up, when your not arguing.
You’ve been married 21years, it might be time you freshen up your marrage, remind him your still viable, alive being. And he doesnt need to go outside of the marriage for sex.
November 7th, 2009 at 12:21 am
Yes, he is cheating on you. Get rid of him.
November 7th, 2009 at 12:58 am
If you ask me husbands don’t go clubbing & especially to places like that. Unacceptable!!!!! He probably is cheating on you! Have one of your girlfriends that he doesn’t know someone from work… go to the club & kinda check in on him. His answer seemed a bit corny as well to much thought put into it. It’s silly to say the waitress bumped into him. I was a cocktail waitress for years & can’t remember one time brushing my lip stick on some one. LIES LIES LIES
November 7th, 2009 at 7:39 am
have you tried talking to him about your fears? maybe you & your husband need to sit down & talk about this. there is a chance that he is cheating on you & the fact that you have put up with it for 21 years tells him that it’s alright. if you really want to know what is going on, then talk to him…..if you are fine with not knowing, then don’t…just let it keep happening.
November 7th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
A womans intuition is not normally wrong. Even if you are, you have not trusted him for 21 years so that tells me you probably deserve better. What is a marriage without trust?
November 7th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
You already know the answer to this one..Yes he is cheating on you & you are Naive to think anything else. A happily Married, responsible Husband would not be spending nights off with his friends, so “Often”
November 7th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
any time you think they are, chances are he is. a married man has no business in going out & coming home with lipstick on his shirt. maybe you should investigate a little more. & if there are dancers, then youcan bet heis giving them money. why dont yougo out & have a good time yourself? why are sitting there tormenting yourself wondering if he is, go out & let him think the same thing!?
November 8th, 2009 at 2:34 am
I know that there are going to be many answers to this, & I respect my fellow answers for their answers, everyone has an opinion, & that is what I am going to give you, mine.
JMO & only JMO, I would question him about this, it sounds like it is festering inside of you & you have kept these feelings in for so long, that now his habit is really bothering you, bothering you so much that you had to ask this question.
I would question him about this.
My husband does not do any of that, he leaves for work (he works in construction) he comes home, & spends time with me & our daughter, & we have talked about this before, & I always tell him, why should he go to those places, where I can be one of those women anytime he wants it!!!!
He does not need those women or those places when he has me!
November 8th, 2009 at 2:58 am
ease up! i guess youre already jealous & bitchy & treating him suspicously…i bet you’ve yelled a little or given him the silent treatment…all this with no evidence
sooo what’s he going to do? you’re already punishing him for a crime…well if he’s getting the punishment, he might as well go back & get the pleasure of the crime you accuse him of
ignore it, forget it, let him go out & have a little fun..even a little flirty fun. he’s a man, he’s programmed by millions of years of evolution to spread his seed wide.
BUT he’s married. trust him. if you treat him lovingly & turn a blind eye, it will never go further than a “healthy” & “natural” flirt. be happy he’s attractive & that women want him. who does he come home to? you! make sure he wants to continue doing so. you don’t own him…you choose to stay together. remember that!
he’s an idiot for getting the lipstick on him if thats what it is….but generally at the end of a night out, women will kiss men goodbye, even friends do this. its what us girls do…especially to the pretty guys
if you want to make the balance a little more stable, teach by example… next time youre out together & you see an attractive man (a complete stranger only!) , tell him “that guy is so cute” or something similar…give him a few seconds then add “lucky for you i love you completely or i might be tempted to chase him” make sure its delivered in a lightheared moment – not in a vindictive way.
November 8th, 2009 at 4:33 am
1- husbands are not suppose to go clubbing
2- ask him we can only guest & that is not good
by the way why don’t you go clubbing too
this is something a whife should do with a husband
November 8th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Well, I’m not sure.
I was always told that a man is going to do what he wants to do & that men always cheat.
Some of those I believe & some I don’t. It is kinda funny that he has the same stain on his shirt. Its like, what could he be doing. Is he being really flirty with some chick or what? Did you ask him if the same waitress bumped into him two weeks in a row? Look I’m not tryna get you & your husband arguing, but I’m just saying. 21 years is a long time to be with someone & they not be truthful. Have you been having these trust issues with him for that long too?
Its like men can do what they want, but we have to do what they want us to do. The only thing I can suggest, is to look for other things. Like does he were cologne, if not see if he smells like perfume or some female fragrance when he comes back, um, a number of things.
I really hope that he is not & all of this just innosent. I wish you luck & hope I’ve helped. Also, listen to your heart, not your EMOTIONS. There is a difference. Think logically about this & out of all that I’ve told you, don’t look to hard into to things. Don’t make things be there, thats not there. Take care.
November 8th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Hire a private investigator next time he goes out. And what kind of club is this? Is it a dance club or a club with dancers lol? His story sounds fishy but really who kisses on a white t’shirt?