Lipstick Answers

A trucker goes into a wh*rehouse & hands the Madam five hundred dollars.
He says, “I want your ugliest woman & a bologna sandwich.”
The Madam says, “For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls & surf & turf.”
The trucker says,
“I’m not h*rny, I’m homesick.”
A guy goes into a drug store to buy cond*ms.
The girl behind the counter says, “What size?”
He says, “I don’t know.”
She holds up a finger & says, “That big?”
He says, “Bigger.”
She holds up three fingers & says, “That big?”
He says, “Smaller?”
She holds up two fingers & he says, “That’s it.”
She puts the two fingers in her mouth & says, “Medium.”
An old Indian was asked the name of his wife.
He replied, “Wife Name – Three Horse.”
“That’s an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse. What does it mean?”
“It’s an old Indian name. Means Nag, Nag, Nag.”
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party.
Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all.
He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes & the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits up & sees his clothing in front of him, all clean & pressed. He looks around the room & sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean.
So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it & a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”
He stumbles to the kitchen & sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee & the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, “Son… What happened last night?”
“Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk & out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table & broke it, & then you puked in the hallway, & got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order & so clean? I have a rose, & breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”
His son replies, “Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, & when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
“Leave me alone, I’m married!!”
Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38.
Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

Tags: Agree, Jokes., priceless, These, They, Think