What Do You Think Of The First Chapter Of My Book?
I’m writing a book entitled Speaking Silence.
What do you think of this chapter 1
©Copyright 2010©
Chapter 1
Fresh Memories
I sat on my bed & took a peek at the window. The sun was shining brilliantly, the clouds were so fluffy & the hot breeze blew past through me. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, hearing the ker-thump thump of its sound. I knew the reason. I knew what was going to happen.
I felt a bit edgy on how am I going to cope with my new school. I’m turning freshmen this year & this one bothers me. I’m getting this odd but familiar feeling again & this happens every school year. Do you think I can go well with the socializing? How about the teachers, do you think they’re friendly?
This would be a new challenge for me again. A new challenge to surpass again.
As I think over & over about it, I remembered about one subject area I absolutely suck, Math. Honestly, I get shoddy grades in it. Although I got good grades in it when I was in middle school, I still feel fretful. I know Math is the worst subject I ever came into. (Middle school mathematics is an exception, of course.) There would be a new set of math lessons again & I need to struggle in it. My last average in math when I graduated is 92 or A-. That’s horrible!(you think?)
How about the activities, Am I going to fit well in it? How about sports? What kind of sports do you think I should get engaged to? Badminton or Tennis? I joined a badminton game in our school when I was in 6th grade but for Pete’s sake I lose. Awful, eh? Do you think if I join one game again, I would win this time? Or turn out to be a loser the second time around?
What if I join a Writing contest? I love Writing & it’s my passion. I’m finding great ways on how to improve it. I also love singing, dancing & drawing but I only treat them as hobbies. Now what?!
Ugh. Disgusting little thoughts.
I tried to keep these thoughts for a while & just decided to go back into my past again. School Past, I mean. I remembered something when I was dwelling into the little moments of my graduation day. I remembered my brown & silky gown. It was knee-length & it barely showed half of my chubby legs but I didn’t mind it. Who cares anyway. My make-up looked simple. Mom just applied a light blue-pink combination of eye shadow & 2 strokes of magic red lipstick on my thick lips. I looked beautiful, beautifully repulsive.
I had a best friend named Jane. She looked & sounded much attractive than me. She had deep-set brown eyes, a broad nose & her lips is as red as an apple. She also had a few freckles on her face but she’s still pretty. Her long black hair always gleamed in the light & her pale skin matched her look.
But deep inside this elegant lady lies a shy personality.
Jane was my best friend ever since 5th grade. Thank the stars but we almost share the same personality & the same qualities. I’m shy she’s shy. I’m silent she’s silent. That was a coincidence, right? We were very close & very open to each other. She told me some secrets about her other friends, the latest gossip in school(just see how amazing she is, a shy with a friendly feature inside!) & of course her emotions too. I found that she’s friendly but having difficulties expressing her feelings. Sometimes, I always think that I want to somehow change her, if I can. We hang out everyday & we never separate. I always tend to say to her that there is nothing wrong with being expressive in public. But still, she needs more encouragement. Nobody approaches this elegant young lady; she said she never had a suitor but why? I know lots of guys like her but it seemed that those guys cannot go near with her. I wonder why.
I also had another friend (One of Jane’s close friends too). She’s Catherine. You will be bowled over with her friendly personality. She was Jane’s friend since 3rd grade. I classify her as the friendly-girl-in-town stereotype. She is friends with all of the school girls & she is a bold & a gallant lady. Catherine has a chin-length fly-away hair, brownish-black eyes & has pinkish diminutive lips. She has a chocolate skin tone & stands 5 ft. I think her physical asset is her…hair. Her hair is kinky & inimitable. It matches her personality. She is a true friend to us although sometimes she gets befuddled to whom she’s going to hang out with. Cathy is protective when it comes to us & knows how to keep good promises.
Another friend added, Carl. He’s implausible & tremendous. He’s a boy, Our first boy friend ever! Carl is tall, has a brown skin tone, wide black eyes & he has lots of pimples in his face. He is much friendlier to girls than boys but that doesn’t make him as “chick-boy or a flirter”. He builds friendships with girls, not a relationship. He is friendly like Cathy too. The last time I saw him, he grew much taller than ever before. I can’t mention anything about him anymore. But there’s one word I describe
February 7th, 2010 at 11:27 am
Great story, awesome description! But your story might have a little way too much description in it, so try to add more dialogue to your story & keep it up!!!!
February 7th, 2010 at 11:35 am
Doesn’t appeal to me.
February 7th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
For 13 yrs old girl your diction is very improve, just need more description & dialogs. Bravo!
February 7th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
I think, for 13, you have a lot of potential as a writer. While teen angst is not my usual subject, I enjoyed reading your descriptions.
Some of the things I noticed straight off were a lack of consistency in your verb tenses & a few punctuation errors, but they weren’t overly obtrusive. I think you did well overall, & if you keep working at it (write as much as you can; read as much as you can) you have a good chance of becoming a great writer. Good luck!