Lipstick Answers

The Barbie doll enjoys being one of the worlds most popular toys. However, along the way to getting that status, there were a number of doll variations that never quite made it. This is a list of the Barbie dolls that you most likely haven’t seen on store shelves lately…
Scratch & Sniff Barbie (Use your imagination…we’re not saying a word.)
Crash Test Barbie
Opera Barbie (complete with the horns & the brass brassiere)
Marie Antionette Barbie (with removable head; guillotine included)
Hiroshima Barbie (just a shadow of her former self)
Enron Barbie (Originally sold for $29.95, but now you can’t give her away.)
Frozen Barbie on a Stick (in your grocer’s frozen food section)
Divorce Barbie (includes the house, the car, & half of Ken’s crap)
Broken Bungee Barbie
FrankenBarbie (green Barbie with bolts through her neck)
Shock Therapy Barbie (car battery & wires included)
Samuel L. Jackson Ken (He’ll get medieval on your a**.)
Manic Depressive Barbie (with a set of Oriental throwing knives)
Biker Barbie (with leather jacket, tattoos, & red bandana)
Cheesehead Barbie (Wisconsin’s best)
Dogsled Barbie
Peg Leg Barbie
Eye Patch Barbie
Politically Incorrect Barbie (Pull the string & she loudly blurts all your favorite racial slurs.)
Death Row Barbie (formerly #31)
Life Size Anatomically Correct Barbie (for all you perverts out there)
Martha Stewart Barbie (comes with orange jumpsuit & color-coordinated accessories)
Homeless Barbie (complete with stolen K-Mart shopping cart)
Tattoo Barbie
Burn Victim Barbie (bandages & Bactine included)
Venus de Milo Barbie (made of rock; no head, no arms)
Bulemic Barbie (Feed her, then make her throw it back up!)
Cyberpunk Barbie (includes ‘trodes & implants)
White Trash Barbie
Serial Killer Barbie
Drag Queen Ken (Comes with three, count ‘em, three, of Barbie’s dresses.)
Acupuncture Barbie (not recommended or children under seven)
Voodoo Doll Barbie (see #33 above)
Cannibal Barbie (Great visual imagery, huh?)
Fast Food Barbie (Also known as McBarbie…you want fries with that?)
Teenage Slut Barbie (see #21)
Polar Bear Club Barbie (dip her in cold water, & her skin turns from pink to blue!)
Ski Bunny Barbie (soon to be #60)
Sucking Chest Wound Barbie
Alien Barbie (Don’t tell ANYONE…)
Ken In Black (protecting Barbie from the worst scum of the universe)
Alien Eyewitness Barbie (vacant expression, been flashed one too many times with the neuralizer)
Mafia Ken (With a violin case…you got a problem with that?)
Alcoholics Anonymous Barbie (With coffee mug & 12-step guide)
Mutant Barbie (comes with Dark Phoenix costume)
Las Vegas Showgirl Barbie (with skimpy dress)
FemmiNazi Barbie (Pull the string & find out why men suck.)
Goth grrl Barbie (with black hair & lipstick, dog collar, & 20-hole Doc Martens)
Body Piercing Barbie
Napoleon Ken (stands 2″ tall)
Midget Barbie (partner to #51, above)
Spank-Me Barbie (see #37)
Shish-Ka-Barbie (Here’s one we’d all like to see!)
Knocked-Up Barbie
Chain Smoker Barbie (with Surgeon General’s warning on box)
Tough B*tch Barbie (see #14)
Junkie Barbie (Gotta love those needle tracks…)
Iron Maiden Barbie (No, not the band…)
Avalanche Barbie (buried in 16 feet of snow)
Hooker Barbie (#47 after the show)
Cross-Dressing Ken, er, Barbie, er, Ken (Who knows?)
Whoopie Cushion Barbie (Do you really need a description?)
Microsoft Barbie (Barbie doll with Bill Gates’ head. Seeks to eliminate all other dolls.)
Realistic Teenage Barbie (flat chest, braces, & acne)
Internet Addiction Barbie (Pale complexion, bloodshot eyes, & coffee-stained clothes.
Pull the string & she either spouts URL’s or mutters to herself.)
Triple Espresso Barbie (pull the string & she shakes uncontrollably for hours)
Shop-’Til-You-Drop Barbie (with a wallet full of credit cards)
Collection Agency Ken (starts calling 6 months after you buy #68, above)
Bankruptcy Barbie (formerly #68 above; Chapter VII or Chapter XIII available)
Tasmanian Barbie (spins like a top)
Siamese Twins Barbie (Actually, I believe they prefer to be called “conjoined twins”.)
Edible Barbie (also known as Choc-O-Barbie)
Hockey Barbie (With bruises, a hockey stick, & missing teeth.)
Triple Bypass Barbie
Diarrhea Barbie (Always on the run.)
Kleptomaniac Barbie (with suction cup hands)
Witch Doctor Ken (partner to #34, above)
Elvira Barbie (with long black hair & skimpy black gown)
Werewolf Barbie (normal doll, except under a full moon)
Living Dead Barbie (use your imagination)
Bigfoot Barbie (sold mostly in the Northwest)
Cyclops Barbie (One eye, right in the middle of her forehead.)
Cyclops Ken (A perfect partner for #46.)
Flying Hero Barbie (Yes, I know they made this one, but it’s at least as ludicrous as anything we came up

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