Need Some Grownup Advice Asap! Long One So I Appreciate You Taking Time To Read!?
I’m married w/children. Hubby travels for work alot & I’ve always been cut off from my peers because we moved so much. I finally decided to take some dance classes & am having the time of my life. Here is the problem. I think my teacher has a thing for me. Each time I have a lesson, he makes me feel like the only one in the room. He tickles me, notices if I change my lipstick & perfume, constantly tells me I look nice & how he likes how my hair moves when he twirls me. He is constantly staring into my eyes & holds my gaze without flinching. He finds excuses to hug me, face to face no less. Sometimes we accidentally interlock our fingers while practicing moves. Here comes the bigger problem. I can’t get this man off of my mind! I think about him constantly & I don’t know why. He even brought me a Xmas gift back from his country & told me how he showed a pic of me to his family & friends. We only talk in class & there is no outside contact. Have we fallen in love w/each other?
Tags: Advice, Appreciate, Asap, Grownup, Long, Need, Read, Some, Taking, Time
September 7th, 2009 at 11:21 am
I really dont think its love…more like lust/fantasy…..you are enjoying the attention this man is giving you b/c your hubby is not around…..I would not pursue this though, you’ll only end up hurting this man, your husband & your children….remember divorce is harder on the kids than on you. Be careful…enjoy the attention in moderation, but remember the man who loves you the most(hubby). Good luck!!
September 7th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
The term for what you are doing is called having an “emotional affair”. And yes, it will absolutely destroy your marriage if you don’t end it immediately.
You are seeking the things that your husband has not given you from another man. While that is totally understandable given your isolation, it is still wrong & very unfair to your unsuspecting husband.
If you honestly want to give your marriage a chance, you can NOT go back to dance class even one more time. Just quit, without contacting the instructor – no goodbye, just move on.
Then, you need a good counselor. One for you individually to work out these feelings you’ve been building up – & one for you & your husband to have an honest look at your marriage. Maybe he needs to make some career changes that make him more available to you. Maybe you need to get a part time job, take some classes, or join a local mommies group. Maybe you need to start scheduling “dates” with your husband so that you’re making the most of your limited time together. I don’t know – but a good counselor can help you both identify your needs & how to meet them.
You do not need the dance instructor.
You need your family.
September 7th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
It is not called LOVE it is called LUST. You are lonely with your husband not around much & no family around. You are excited about the attention you are getting, & both are wanting each other. It’s up to you to decide to take it to the next level, since it sounds like he has given you enough hints on how he wants you. Just be careful if you end up giving in, it is not & will not be Love, it will only be for each others excitement & fullfillment & nothing else. With you being as lonely as you are you may fall too deep for this guy. If you are willing to have a little fling without the deep feelings then go for it. I know because I cheat on my husband, but I know my relationship with the guy I am seeing is my own private little life with no deep feelings.
September 8th, 2009 at 2:21 am
No, he’s pouring on the charm & you are lapping it up.
September 8th, 2009 at 8:09 am
You will do what you want to do. The rational answer is, as you well know, stop your fantasy & attend to your marriage. But here is someone who is present (as opposed to your absent husband), who is giving you personal attention (again, not from the absent husband) & apparently offering many more things you believe will make you feel good. You’re right. You will feel good if you continue your fantasy & seek more of the goodies that are being offered.
The rational approach is to ask what will happen next…if you succumb to your fantasy. Nothing but heartbreak for you, pain & suffering for your children, feeling of despair, etc. But it feels so good to have the attention and…and…and. Well, you know exactly what to do, your inner voice has counseled you well. You’re looking here for an answer that will justify what you think you want to do.
Do you want advice or support for your fantasy?
September 8th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Not likely. You’re just incredibly happy to feel sexy, appreciated, noticed – & there’s nothing wrong with that; you just need to remind your husband how special you are so you can get that sort of attention from him again.
September 8th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Find another dance class. It’s the only way hon. You have already cheated on your husband in your mind.. if you continue to be around this man you will end up cheating fully.
Don’t give it a chance to get that far! Your husband trusted you to go out there, do something you enjoy & stay faithful. It’s great you feel young again, but don’t forget the vow you made & the life you have. The grass always LOOKS greener… usually never is once you get to the other side.
September 8th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
You need to drop this class with this teacher & honor the vows you made to your husband. Start working on your marriage! I’m sure if you put as much energy in your marriage as you do thinking about your teacher you would be quite content & satisfied with your husband. Shame on you!
September 9th, 2009 at 2:57 am
its lusting for someone showing you new things & new feelings.. its like that fuzzy feeling you might of got from your hubby years ago.. so you have to decide if your willing to keep that up & risk him finding out about it or your & this man go father then you think it will go.. once you cross the line you need to be ready for what might follow. so you can tell this teacher of dance that you think hes getting sweet on you & you would like him to not do that.. then if you do like it & keep it up you will have to face the consequences for it.. good luck
September 9th, 2009 at 8:52 am
I would say in lust with each other & you are loving the attention. But to be honest & you may not want to hear this, he wants to f*** & that’s probably it. Hey, just enjoy the little attention & the fantasy no harm done.
September 9th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
You did not say if you love your husband or not??? how long you been married? Add more details!!!!
This guy probably just senses you are lonely & would like to have a roll in the hay perhaps!! Is that worth throwing away your marriage?? Flattery makes everyone feel good temporarily, but I bet you can get that back with your husband!! Try flirting with him when he is home!!
September 9th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
It’s good that you are able to take dance lessons & are having the time of your life. Probably you are loving the attention. You have a husband & children & so I would advise you to keep yourself emotionally. Everyone loves attention & to be noticed & found attractive especially when it has been a long time with your husband but your husband is your husband & your family. Say thank you when your instructor notices your hair & lipstick & things. But go home & have sex when you can with your husband. The others are right this man is probably only horny & will do & say what it takes to get you into bed & then go on to the next student. But being a dance instructor he should flirt. It makes the students come back & pay more so leave it at that. It is just attention because you are a beautiful woman & deserve attention just don’t cheat!