Lipstick Answers

A trucker goes into a wh*rehouse & hands the Madam five hundred dollars.
He says, “I want your ugliest woman & a bologna sandwich.”
The Madam says, “For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls & surf & turf.”
The trucker says,
“I’m not h*rny, I’m homesick.”
A guy goes into a drug store to buy cond*ms.
The girl behind the counter says, “What size?”
He says, “I don’t know.”
She holds up a finger & says, “That big?”
He says, “Bigger.”
She holds up three fingers & says, “That big?”
He says, “Smaller?”
She holds up two fingers & he says, “That’s it.”
She puts the two fingers in her mouth & says, “Medium.”
An old Indian was asked the name of his wife.
He replied, “Wife Name – Three Horse.”
“That’s an unusual name for your wife, Three Horse. What does it mean?”
“It’s an old Indian name. Means Nag, Nag, Nag.”
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party.
Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all.
He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes & the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits up & sees his clothing in front of him, all clean & pressed. He looks around the room & sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean.
So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it & a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”
He stumbles to the kitchen & sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee & the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, “Son… What happened last night?”
“Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk & out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table & broke it, & then you puked in the hallway, & got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order & so clean? I have a rose, & breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”
His son replies, “Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, & when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
“Leave me alone, I’m married!!”
Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38.
Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

… after reading this that Yahoo Answers are OK ?
One of my answers yesterday was reported by some trigger happy Answerer. My answer was removed & I appealed. Here is the polite answer I received from the Yahoo Team.
“Hi Red-Chrome,
Thank you for taking the time to submit an appeal. Upon review, we found the following answer was not in violation of the Answers Community Guidelines:
“I guess… that “simm 101″ is wearing…. a blouse, shorts, slippers, lipstick, purple nail varnish & mascara. I must have guessed something, with all that !!”
The Yahoo! Answers Team regrets that your answer was wrongfully reported by the Answers community. Your answer has been reposted to Yahoo! Answers, & we are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.
As a result of your appeal, the people who reported your answer will have less influence when reporting abuse in the future.
Thanks,
Yahoo! Answers Team”
My answer to ‘Simm 101′, the one that was removed & reported was only because I thought that ‘Simm 101′ was a woman. His or her avatar looked like a black woman to me. On closer inspection,. I believe now that it is a man.
But…. did my answer deserved to be reported ?
Your views please ?

This is a survey WHEN YOU ANSWER PLEASE GIVE DETAILS FOR EACH ANSWER.
AND CAN YOU ANSWER THIS WAY: Letter followed by words next to the letter. Thanks
(1) If around nine people (for example) over the years said negative things (or what you perceive as negative) about your weight, however, everyone else (numerous people) tells you that you are thin/skinny, single digit sizes would you think about:
(A) The few people who said negative things about your weight (or what you perceive as negative OR
(B) Focus on the many people who told you that you are thin/skinny & single digit sizes
(2) Do you focus on what you looked like in:
(A) In the past
OR
(B) What you look like now
(3) Do you focus on what people said about what you look like weight wise
(A) In the past
OR
(B) In the present
(4) If you were at a party & someone said to you “I see you are being good” (meaning you are not eating anything fattening would you think they did not think you are thin
(5) If you are were at a party & someone said to you “I see you are being good” ” (meaning you are not eating anything fattening) would you think they were just referring to the food that is being served?
(6) If a person who is heavy tells you that they think you are average size & size 8/10 BUT everyone else (even strangers) always tells you that you are very thin & size 4
(A) Do you listen to the person that called you average & ignore the ones who told you that you are size 4 & skinny
OR
(B) Do you listen to the people that told you that you are thin/skinny & size 4 & ignore the one who said average & size 8/10?
(7) If you bump into a person that wears glasses & they asked if you gained weight & the then they take off their glasses & saw that the glasses they were wearing were their old pair that magnified everything & realized you did not gain weight & still are skinny
(A) Do you accept the fact that they realized it was the glasses that made you look bigger
OR
(B) Or do you read into their remark & refuse to believe them
(8) If your mom notices you lost weight & says you are thin enough & you were always thin
(A) Would you think they did not think you were always thin
OR
(B) Would you just think they noticed you lost weight
(9) If you had food poisoning & came back to work two days later & a coworker saw you & said “you are skinny” & later on they said that what they meant is that your face looked like it lost weight & when one isn’t smiling one looks paler & their face looks thinner
(A) Would you accept that they were just talking about your face & they thought you were always thin
OR
(B) Would you read into their remarks
(10) If a vendor tells you that they have size 10 jeans to sell & you are a size 6
(A) Would you think they were just trying to sell the jeans & would say this to a size 2
OR
(B) Would you think otherwise
(11) If a female cousin of yours asks you if you are a size 8 due to the fact they are cleaning out their closet & you tell them you are a size 8 & they reply I THOUGHT YOU ARE A SIZE 8 but could not remember if you told them you are a size 8 or 10
(A) Would you accept the fact that they thought you are a size 8 but had a memory lapse & could not remember if you told them size 8 or size 10?
OR
(B) Would you think they did not think you are a size 8
(12) You go into a health store & purchase two herbs & then once you pay for them you ask the clerk how much should be taken & he says most woman weigh a 160 pounds but you weigh a little less. You ask him to clarify & he says he thinks you weigh a 130. This upsets you because everyone is always saying that they think you are 110 pounds. (KEEP IN MIND WHEN HE SAID THIS REMARK YOU WERE STANDING BEHIND THE PARTITION, YOU ARE WEARING A COAT AND ALL HE CAN SEE IS YOUR ARMS AND FACE)
(A) Do you say well he cannot see me because I am standing behind a partition
OR
(B) Read into his remarks & think otherwise
(13) If you are wearing pants that balloon at the hips & a male friend of yours says you have ample hips, however, the next day when you wearing pants that do not balloon at the hips & he looks at you says “No you don’t have ample hips it was just the pants you wore yesterday“”
(A) Do you accept the fact that he does not think you have ample hips & it was only the pants that did it
OR
(B) You do not accept his answer
(14) You are at the Xerox machine making copies. A female coworker comes over to make copies & you ask her if she thought you were thin & she answered “Well” in a hesitant way. But then she left because she did not want to wait. However, later on she saw your entire body & ran over & said “My God you are thin. I always saw you sitting so I never realized how thin you are”
(A) You would accept the fact they thought you were thin
OR
(B) Would you read into their remarks & thought otherwise
(15) If someone tells you that they think you are a size 5/6 & they also say that their employee thinks you are a size 5/6 but you have hips but they do not think your hips are big
(A) would you accept the fact that all they are saying is you are thin with shape
OR
(B) Would you read into their remarks & thought otherwise
(16) IF your female therapist (who is thin) says to you: (1) “You are the right weight for your size” (2) “You are not overweight or underweight” (3)and the therapists asks “Do you like to be thin because it is ok to be thin” (4) “You are thin not skinny: (5) And the reason I don’t call people thin is BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ARE INSULTED WHEN YOU TELL THEM YOU THINK THEY ARE THIN, THEY SAY WHY DO YOU THINK I AM TOO THIN & Because many times I associate thin as being too skinny, thin usually isn’t in my vocabulary”: (6) “You cannot go by definition of thin but by the person. Let me explain: In other words lets say a girl by the name of Donna is blonde. When you look at the definition it doesn’t say Donna is blonde, it says blonde is a color, same applies to thin. You are thin. I said you are definitely think absolutely thin. I said it about six times. Again you are absolutely & definitely thin. I will repeat it again.” & she repeated it a few more times
(A) Would you accept the fact she thinks you are thin
OR
(B) No you would not
(17 ) Lets say you only saw your best friend for the first 18 years of your life. Then you move & saw her in 1973, 1977, 1985, & 2002 – just for about five minutes in each year. And the rest of the time you just talk on the telephone. Then on January 2008 the following telephone conversation took place: (1) Your best friend tells you while you are speaking on the phone that she is so surprised how the elementary school kids dress & they are more endowed. And that when she was in school she was a size 7 but now she is a size 12; (2) & when you tell her that you are a size 6/8 she said “I thought you would be a size 10 because my mother is a size 12, my mother-in-law is a size 16, my friend Cheryl is a size 10, & another friend is a size 12, my sons girlfriend who is 19 years old is a size 3. I mean you are far from fat but the average woman takes a size 10. However, I don’t remember what you look like all I remember is you wore a pink suit with lipstick that matched, you must be skinny
(A) would you accept the fact she does not remember what you look like & the only reason she said size 10 is because of the women she sees on a day-to-day basis & the size 10 comment was made on the phone & not face-to-face
OR
(B) You don’t agree
(18) Lets say you are on the bus with a friend – you both are thin & she spots a girl on flag outside a Karate school in a bikini. And she said “IF you take Karate you can look like her too”. She clarified YOU as meaning people in general. First you thought she meant you are not thin so you ask her & she said the following: (1) You are on the thin side. Yes you can accept the fact you are thin. (2) “You have a thin face” But you say to her “But I am thin every where” & she replied yes you are (4) She says “I have a friend that is thinner than us” (5) And she also says “No one would ever call you fat“; (5) And you are not anorexic which you are glad about. (6) And you tell her that everyone says I am skinny she replied: “Well it is better than every one telling you that you are fat”
(A) You would accept the fact that she thinks you are thin & she was just making fun of the flag
OR
(B) No you would not accept it
(19) You are at drugstore talking to a clerk (who is fat) you are thin. The female clerk asks you “Did you gain weight. I mean before you were too thin but now you are perfect.” But this bothered you so you wrote a lot of letters to her & called her a lot to clarify. And then the next time you came into the store she tells you the calls & letters must stop. You say “Just tell me do you think I am thin” And she lashes out at you & says “NO, that she is thin” – even though you know she is fat.
(A) Would you tell yourself that the clerk had to say you were not thin because she had to say something nasty to get rid of you because you were pestering her & writing letters to her & the clerk knows you are thin & all she meant was that before you were too thin but you are still thin”
OR
(B) No you do not accept it
(20) You (who is a size 6/8) are at the park with your friend Tom. You are wearing an oversized sweater. He looks at the sweater & says (1) Size 10 body in a size 12 sweater” (2) “I don’t think you are a size 10 all I am trying to do is make a comparison between the body & the sweater. I could have easily said size 50 body in a size 52 sweater, OR a size 100 body in a size 102 sweater.” – Then for some reason you & he lost touch for two years & then bump into one another & you both go grab a cup of coffee. An hour later out of the blue he hands you the following note that he wrote that he swore to himself if he ever ran into you he would give to you:
“You are not extra, extra large, You are not extra large, You are not large, You are not medium & has never been medium,. YOU ARE SMALL AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN SMALL. YOU ARE A SIZE 5 AND IF A SIZE 5 IS LARGE THAN YOU ARE A SIZE 1.”
(A) You feel all your friend Tom was doing two years ago was just trying to show the difference between the body & the sweater & Tom does NOT think you are higher than a size 5.
(B) You do not agree
(21) You are with your friend Patricia. She tells you that (1) “I had a dream about the Beatnicks. I dreamt that John & Steve from the group liked us & we hung out with them. However, Steve the one you were with said I only like girls with plump legs & I told Steve you have plump legs & then I woke up” Keep in mind you always wear long skirts. You ask her “do you think my legs are plump” Patricia said “NO I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOUR LEGS AND IT WAS ONLY A DREAM”
(A) You accept the fact she said she does not think your legs are plump & it was only a dream
OR
(B) NO you don’t accept it
(22) In 1987 you were talking with Bob (your boss) & your friend Nancy. Bob says (1) Nancy you are skinny” (2) But when you ask him if he thinks you are thin – he says no, but knows you are obsessed with weight. Later on you think Bob said to you that he was only kidding. And you Know for a fact that your other bosses always say that you eat to live, we live to eat” Even though you have an excellent memory you cannot remember if it really happened or you imagined the above incident
(A) Do you say to yourself No one would flat out tell someone they are fat unless it was a joke. They might say something like you know you are a little bit overweight or something a bit more polite. The incident could be real because you think Bob told you he was clowning around. Also guys like to annoy girls & play on their sensitivities
OR
(B) You do not agree

1. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
2. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
3. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to deflect alien invasions..
4. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have defeated the predecessor.
5. When you turn off the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
6. If you are blonde & pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
7. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
8. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
9. It is easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
10. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even while scuba diving.
11. You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make a mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
12. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
13. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
14. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
15. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
16. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noise in the dark & in their most revealing underwear.
17. Even driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
18. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
19. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
20. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone you meet will know all the steps.

Recently I bought a Barry-m lipstick no 62. Even though my lips are well moistered when I apply the lipstick,lots of cracks will appear on my lips.never ever use barry-m lipsticks again