Lipstick Answers

A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back & forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window & says, ” Officer, I’m so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!” The officer looks at her, then says, “Ma’am, that’s your air freshener.”
Q: What do you call a blonde in a Volkswagen?
A: FarFromThinking
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver’s License?
A: Because she got an “F” in sex.
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said “DISNEYLAND LEFT”.
After thinking for a minute, she said to herself “oh well !” & turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said “CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES”.
By the time she drove eight miles, shehad cleaned 43 restrooms.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee’
The Unites States government has issued a recall on all cars & trucks that have a headlight dimmer switch on the turn signal switch. The purpose for this is to cut the traffic accidents at night by 90%. Apparently that the 90% that they plan to cut is from blonds, because they keep getting their foot stuck in the steering wheel.
Q: Why can’t a blonde get a drivers license?
A: Because every time the instructor says “Let’s park” she jumps in the back seat.
Q: What do blondes & turtles have in common?
A: When they are on their backs they are screwed.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde & a mosquito?
A: The mosquito stops sucking after you smack it.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “Where did you get that?”
A: The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!”
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine
(note from Zelo: for you REAL blondes out there that is the machine that makes ice in the ice-skating rinks!).
Q: Why didn’t the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She’d just dyed her hair.
A2: She’d just blow dried her hair & she didn’t want it blown around too much.
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says,
1. “Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would’ve hit me right in the face!!!”
2. “Good thing that cows don’t fly.”
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, & a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland & estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, “I’m going to try to swim to shore.” So she swam out five miles, & got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, & she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, “I wonder if she made it.” I guess it’s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here & starve.” So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, “I wonder if they made it! I think I’d better try to make it, too.” So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, “I’m too tired to go on!” So she swam back.
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn’t know how to cook them.
A brunette & a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, “Awww, look at the dead birdie.”
The blonde stops, looks up, & says, “Where?”
Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: “Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?”
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down & said “Oh, look at the deer tracks.” The other blonde looks & says “Those aren’t deer tracks, those are wolf tracks.” “No. Those are deer tracks.” They keep arguing, & arguing, & one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde & bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been sighted.
A blonde opened a box of Cheerios® & exclaimed “LOOK! A box of donut seeds!
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.
Q: Why is a blonde like a hardware store?
A: They are both 10¢ a screw!
Q: What is a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme!
Q: What did the blonde’s right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They’ve never met.
A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Q: What’s the mating call of the blonde?
A: “I’m *sooo* drunk!”
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) “I said: I’m drunk!”
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
Q: What’s a brunette’s mating call?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
A2: When is that blonde ***** going to leave!?
A3: “All the blondes have gone home!”
Q: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in?
A: “Have another beer.”
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde & a Porsche?
A: You don’t lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde & a toothbrush?
A: You don’t let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde & “The Titanic”?
A: They know how many men went down on “The Titanic”.
Q: What’s the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces him/her self.
A2: Walks home.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde’s boyfriend?
A: He’s the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: What do blondes & cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a screen door & a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
Q: What do you call two nuns & a blonde?
A: Two tight ends & a wide receiver.
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A1: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
A2: I don’t know.
R: Neither did she.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last *******.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: Why did they call the blonde “twinkie”?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that “love handles” referred to her ears?
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde & a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, “Cock’ll-doodl-doooo”, while a blonde says, “Any-cock’ll-doooo.”
Q: What is the difference between a blonde & the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only ‘had’ 10000 men.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn’t get Hearing Aides.
Q: What’s the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, & a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, “Aren’t you done yet?”
The nympho says, “Are you done already?”
The blonde says, “Beige…I think I’ll paint the ceiling beige.”
Q: What’s the difference between a blonde & a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.
Confucius say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse & goes home.
A blonde & a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That’s nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, & a flat head to rest your beer on.
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
… then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan “Billions Served – just today”
Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod…
Q: What is the difference between a blonde & a bowling ball?
A: You can only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

or should i just leave my lips natural?

Does it look weird?! http://img190.imageshack.us/i/img2231w.j…
I may or may not be a little self-conscious about my blonde eyebrows! I usually wear mascara & eyeliner, but going travelling soon I may not have heaps of time in the morning to do everything I want. I’m quite slow at applying eye makeup as I usually wear glasses & forgo the mascara underneath them… but I’m wearing contacts more often now & applying it is hard to do quickly sometimes.
I’d be happy to just forget the mascara every now & then if I can get away with it! I’ve got makeup, blush & lipstick on but I can still look quite pale…. Should I face the public? lol.

I have blue eyes.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the the street when the sign said “DONT WALK”!
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in the back seat?
A: In case she locked the keys in her car
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping-pills
Q: Whats the difference between a pittbull & a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can actually understand them
Q: Why do blondes like lightening?
A: They think someone is taking their picture
Q: Why do all blondes have a dimple on their chin & a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-i dont know. Hits forehead-Oh i get it.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don’t. They’re born that way.
Q: why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods

How do you hit a blonde & she will never know it….with a thought!
How can you tell a smart blonde from a dumb blonde….the smart blondes have dark roots.
Why don’t blondes eat pickles…because they get their heads stuck in the jar.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory…she threw out all of the W’s.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday…tell her a joke on Friday.
What do you call a zit on a blonde’s butt…brain tumor.
Why don’t blondes make kool-aid…can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packages.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain…gifted.
Why do blondes have T.G.I.F. printed on their shoes…stands for Toes G o In First.
How many blondes does it take to change a tire …. 5–2 to get sodas, 2 to cry & 1 to call daddy.
How do you give a blonde a brain transplant …. blow in her ear.
What do blondes & beer bottles have in common …. they’re both empty from the neck up.
What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear …. thanks for the refill.
What’s the mating call of a brunette …. Is that darn blonde gone yet?
Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink …. that’s where you wash vegetables.
How do you get a blonde’s eyes to sparkle …. shine a light in her ear.
What’s the advantage of being married to a blonde …. you can park in handicapped zones.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you …. pull the pin & throw it back.
Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall …. to see what was on the other side.
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb …. 6 – 2 to read the instructions, 1 to find the switch, 2 to stand on, 1 to screw the bulb.
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb …. two …. one to hold the diet pepsi & one to call daaaady.
The blonde stayed up all night to see where the sun went …. it finally dawned on her.
Brunette to the blonde …. Awww, look at the dead birdie …. the blonde stopped, looks up & says, “where”?
How do you know a blonde has been working at your computer …. there is “white-out” all over the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde been using the computer …. there’s writing on the “white-out”.
Why do blondes wear ear muffs? …. to avoid the draft.
What did the blonde visiting O.J. think this was …. spilled finger nail polish.
What is the blonde doing when she hold her hands over her ears …. trying to hold on to a thought.
Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? …. because it said “concentrate”.
Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet …. she thought it was diet “coke”.
Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering …. the noise gave her a headache.
Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips …. from trying to blow out lightbulbs.
Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar …. she heard that the drinks were on the house.
Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs …. they don’t know the route.
Why does blondes have elevator jobs …. they like going up & down.
Why do blondes work seven days a week …. so you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.
How does a blond know if she’s on her way home or on her way to work …. she opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it
How did the blonde die drinking milk…….the cow sat down
Why don’t blondes make chocolate chip cookies …. it takes to long to get the shells off the M & M’s
Why can’t the blonde keep a job at the M & M factory …. she keeps throwing away the W’s
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts …. change
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies …. 10 …. one to mix the dough & nine to sort out the W’s
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies …. 3 …. one to make batter & two to peel the M & Ms.
How can you tell if a blonde has baked chocolate cookies …. there are M & M hulls all over the floor
How can you tell if a blonde is going to back chocolate cookies …. she is throwing out all of the W’s
What is written at the bottom of a blonde’s fishing pond …. bring your own fish
Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool …. no smoking
what does a blond do when someone says its chili outside …. she grabs a bowl
what do you call a blonde with one brain cell …. gifted
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells …. pregnant
What is a blond with brunette died hair …. artificial intelligence
Why did the blond stare at the orange juice …. it said concentrate
Why Can’t Blondes get “mad Cow Disease …. you can’t get it twice
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes …. knock on the door
What stops then goes, stops then goes …. A blonde at a blinking red light
What do you call two blondes in the freezer …. frosted flakes
Pepsi came out with a new can just for blondes …. It has “open other end” printed on the bottom.
Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears …. they’re refuelling
Why do blondes comb their bangs strait up …. They don’t want anything going over their head
How did the blonds brain cell die …. alone
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios …. Hey, Look!! A bunch of doughnut seeds
What do you call a smart blond …. Labrador
How many blonde jokes are there? …. none, they’re all true
Why don’t blonds ever become pharmacists …. It’s too hard to fit the bottle in the typewriter
Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio …. she didn’t want one for nights
Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet …. she was last years hide & seek winner
Why are there blonde jokes …. to make brunettes jealous
Why doesn’t a blonde make Kool Aid …. couldn’t get 8 glasses of water in the little packet
What’s the advantage of being married to a blonde …. you can park in the handicapped zone
What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under water …. a blonde trying to put it out
What do you call a blonde with a brand new P.C …. a dumb terminal
How do you call a blond …. you don’t …. you whistle
What does a blond say when she see’s a banana skin on the side walk …. am going to fall again
I’m a blonde & still like blonde jokes …. must have been written by a true blonde
Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand …. so brunettes can understand them
How did the blond burn her ear …. the phone rang while she was ironing
What’s a blond between 2 brunette …. a mental block
Why do blondes wear their hair up …. to catch anything that goes over their heads
Why does a blonde smile when there is lightening …. she thinks she is getting her picture taken
There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but they could not get in …. the sign said, “must be 18 to enter”
How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb …. only one …. she holds it in the socket & waits for the world to revolve around her
What do you call 3 blondes that walk into a building …. beats me …. you would think one of them would have seen it
How do you drown a blonde …. glue a penny to the bottom of a pool
Why are there no brunette jokes …. because blondes would have to think them up
How does a blonde make instant pudding …. places the box in the microwave, & looks for the “instant pudding setting
How do you confuse a blonde, put three shovels against the wall & tell her …. to take her “PICK”
How do you drive a blonde crazy …. put her in a round room & tell her to stand in the corner
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead …. trying to make up her mind
What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes …. interpreter
What do you call 24 blondes in a cardboard box …. a case of empties
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink …. that is where you clean all vegetables
Why did it take the blonde 7 days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago …. she kept seeing signs that read …. stop clean bath room
A blonde went to the doctor’s with burnt feet, “how did you do it” asked the doctor” …. “cooking soup …. the instructions said “open can …. stand in boiling water for 7 minutes
Why can’t a blonde make ice cubes …. Don’t know the recipe
How do you get rid of blondes …. form a circle, give each a gun & tell them they are a firing squad
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow …. to get chocolate milk

Q: What would you do if a Blond threw a hand grenade right at you?
A: You’d pull the pin & throw it back.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell….she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What’s the difference between a pit bull & a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde & a Mercedes?
A: You don’t lend the Merc out to your friend.
Q: What do a bowling ball & a blonde have in common?
A: Sooner or later they’ll both end up in the gutter.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: She didn’t want to waken the sleeping pills.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night.
Q: Why did a blonde climb over a glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
********************************
A brunette was jumping up & down on a set of railroad tracks saying, “21,21,21.” A blonde walked by, noticed the brunette, started jumping up & down on the tracks & repeated what the brunette was saying. The brunette heard a train whistle & jumped off of the tracks. The blonde kept jumping & saying, “21,21,21.” The train ran over the blonde. When the train ended, the brunette jumped back on the tracks & started saying, “22,22,22.”
***********************
A blonde, brunette, & redhead are talking about their daughters. The redhead says, ” I was going through my daughters drawers, & I found a bottle of beer. I can’t believe my daughter drinks.”
Then the brunette says, ” well I was cleaning my daughters room, & I found a pack of cigarettes. I can’t believe my daughter smokes.”
Then the blonde says, ” I was making my daughters bed, & I found a condom. I can’t believe my daughter has a penis.
*****************
(this is not a blonde joke now)
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”
The next morning he got up early & left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window & sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe & ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it & found a brand new bathroom scale.
****enjoy!! plz star if you want too hear more*****

Your skin tone is most important in determining what color lipstick looks good on you. You could be blonde with a warm skintone, fair skin tone, or cool. Are you a blonde like Beyonce, Gwen Stefani, or Heidi Klum???
The most flattering lip tones will be one or two shades darker than your natural lip color.
If you are very fair, burn before you tan, & your skin has pink or porcelain under tones you most likely have pink (light) skin. If you are Caucasian & have beige or yellow undertones you have yellow (light to medium) skin tone. If you are Mediterranean, Latino, a fair-skinned African American, or of a dark mixed-race, then you probably have Olive skin (medium).
I would suggest matching the color of your lips to your overall skin tone first & then look to see if it’s working for or against your outfit. For example, for a classy look, match your lip color precisely to the hue & brightness of one of your accessories, or your jewelry. In general, for your “warm” skin, hair & eye color, I would suggest a medium nude, salmon pink, coral, or golden brown.
I recommend you to go Bobbibrown.com & talk to a live expert, they are always right on! Also, you can chose neutral shades. Bobbi Brown cosmetics have great options & gorgeous colors. If you are into the makeup sold in pharmacies, look for the items marked as neutral shades, since they match all skin tones.
Consider finding out what your skintone is & then what shade of lipstick you want (are you looking for Red, Brown, Nudes, Pinks?). Once you figure this out, you can chose a color. Bobbi Brown makeup rocks!

Horrific Accident
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch & was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back & forth.”
If you thought it was funny..please star the intereseting button…thanks..=)

wow…we get steryotyped big time
but i gotta admit this joke was funny
what do you think?
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch & was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back & forth.”

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch & was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back & forth.”

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch & was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back & forth.”
Give me a star if you like it

No offence to any blondes out there
If you do take offence MAKE SURE YOU PUT IT BACK
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment & said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” & hung up. The husband asked, “Who was that?” The wife said, “I don’t know, some woman wanting to know “if the coast is clear.”
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk & leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror & says, “Hmm, this person looks familiar.” The second blonde says, “Here, let me see!” So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror & says, “You dummy, it’s me!”
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out & buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly & when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, & as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun & puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it.” The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them. “A friend says, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy: W.”
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
“Is it mine?”
A blonde had just totalled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch & was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. “My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?” “Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped. “Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. “Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. “I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was …. “”Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back & forth.”
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked & burglarised. She telephoned the police at once & reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, & a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop & his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, “I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, & what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!”
A blonde was driving home, & got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner decided to have some fun, & told her just to go home & blow into the tail pipe really hard & all the dents would pop out. So, she went home, got down on her hands & knees & started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder & still nothing happened. Her roommate saw her & asked, “What the heck are you doing?” She told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow in the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes & said, “Uh, Hello! You need to roll up the windows first!!”

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch & was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back & forth.”
——————–

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch & was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back & forth.”

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch & was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back & forth.”

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, & said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, & the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth & the nearest star?”
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs & comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop & even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry & frustrated, he gave up & paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
————————————–…
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house & went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut & stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox & again opened it, & slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it & then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
————————————–…
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch & was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back & forth.”
————————————–…
A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
She runs to her mum & says: “Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It’s good, innit?”
“Yes, darling, very good.” Answers the mom.
“Is that because I’m blonde?” she asks.
“Yes, darling, it’s because you’re blonde.” The mom says.
Next day, the little girl comes back from school & says: “Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It’s good, innit?”
“Yes, darling, very good.” Answers the mom.
“Is that because I’m blonde, mummy?” she asks.
“Yes, darling it’s because you’re blonde.” The mom says.
Next Day, she returns from school & cries: “Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!” She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy. “Is that because I’m blonde, mummy?”
“No darling, it’s because you’re 25.”
————————————–…
A young woman said to her doctor, “You have to help me, I hurt all over.”
“What do you mean?” said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger & yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek & again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe. “Ow, even THAT hurts.”
The doctor asked the woman, “Are you a natural blonde?”
“Why yes,” she said.
“I thought so,” said the doctor… “You have a sprained finger.”

can you reccomend any names or brands or colors?

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch & was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back & forth.”

Horrific Accident
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch & was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right & there was another tree! I swerved to the left & there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back & forth.”