Lipstick Answers

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed & eaten by his friends.
4: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate’s birthday is strictly optional. But you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she’s officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach … & it’s delivered by a topless model & only when it’s free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
15: Women who claim they ‘love to watch sports’ must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game & the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you & a girl who was formerly ‘just a friend’ have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you’re feeling weird & guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question ‘What do you want for Christmas?’ with ‘If you loved me, you’d know what I want!’ gets & X-Box 360 End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.
27: We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
‘ GUTS ‘ is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, & having the guts to say, ‘are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?’
‘ BALLS ‘ is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume & beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the *** & having the balls to say, ‘You’re next fatty!’
I hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
© After wrecking your boss’s car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed & eaten by his friends.
4: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
5:Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.
7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
9: You may f@rt in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she’s officially your girlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach … & it’s delivered by a topless model & only when it’s free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
13:Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
15: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game & the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.
18: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
19: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22: The morning after you & a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you’re feeling weird & guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24: Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
25: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox 360 End of story.
26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.
27: We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
“GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, & having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
“BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume & beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the *** & having the balls to say, “You’re next fatty!”

>
>
>MAN LAWS
>
>1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>
>2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
>(a) When a heroic dog dies to save his master.
>(B) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
>(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
>(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
>(e) When she is using her teeth.
>
>3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and
>eaten by his buddies along with the evidence.
>
>4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
>jail within 12 hours.
>
>5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
>forever unless you actually plan on marrying her.
>
>6: Moaning or Bitc*ing about the brand of beer in a buddy’s fridge is
>forbidden. However you may complain at will if the temperature of the beer
>is unsuitable, but really be cool, it’s free.
>
>7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
>In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. If you
>do know the friends B-day, it is not only customary to celebrate at a strip
>bar of the birthday boy’s choice but that he returns that gift back to you
>on your B-day.
>
>8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
>weakest.
>
>9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the
>score of the game in progress, but YOU MAY NEVER ask who’s playing.
>
>10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
>climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
>entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
>
>11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re
>sunning on a tropical beach… AND only if it’s delivered by a topless model
>who paid for it.
>
>12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to
>kick another guy in the nuts.
>
>13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
>
>14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos, EVER! Issue closed. If you have
>a friend who even owns Speedos, you might want to find a different friend.
>
>15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.
>
>16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies
>until they demonstrate knowledge of the game & the ability to drink as
>much as the other sports watchers.
>
>17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain
>sober enough to fight.
>
>18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza,
>but not both, that’s just greedy.
>
>19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about
>his choice of beer.
>
>20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours,
>except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.
>
>21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
>A) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
>B) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
>C) Another set & we can hit the showers!
>
>22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom/restroom unless you are on equal
>footing: I.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
>situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
>
>23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than
>you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
>necessary.
>
>24: The morning after you & a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have
>carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird & guilty
>are no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion
>occurs about what a big mistake it was.
>
>25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her
>to drive yours.
>
>26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,
>orange or sky blue.
>
>27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?”
>with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.
>
>28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics,
>EVER!!!
>
>29. Men should never feed another man.
>
>
>We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know
>the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
>definition of each is listed below:
>
>”GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
>being assaulted by your wife with a broom, & having the guts to
>say, “Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
>
>”BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling
>of perfume & beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
>the *** & having the balls to say, “You’re next!”
>
>We hope this clears up any confusion,
>The International Council of Manlaws.