Lipstick Answers

I wear Revlon ColorStay Liquid Foundation in Toast with Revlon ColorStay Pressed Powder in Deep. My lips are for the most part brown with little bits of deep pinkish red. I’ve tried long wearing lipsticks but they dry out my lips & never lasts. I want to cover the uneven tone of my lips, look as natural as possible & for the product compliment my complexion as well as last through many kisses What should I use? I would greatly appreciate your recommendations. Thanks.

before i was having short hair but now its my vacation so i grew it & my mom also gave me permission.but sometimes i feel very hot so i put a clip anyhow in my room by hidding.but sometimes my mom ties me ponytail or braid it but i fell shy so i remove it emigetly & goes to my room lock the door & bring some of my sister’s things like rubber band,ribbon,hairband & many hair clips & i sit near mirror & tie myself ponytail put ribbon,clips etc & sometimes even i wear my sister or my mom’s clothes like dress,skirt,sarees,slaks,lipsticks,eyeli… some makeups.i fell little girlish when i do this things but how can i tell my mom that i fell girlish due to this things.even i like to wear pink skirts & tops now.if she allow me to be a girl for sometime shoud i be girl outside also or in home its my vacatoin so then i have to go to school & stop this things even i have cut my hairs.if i will not cut my hair teachers will tie me ponytails/pigtails/braids etc & make me aplly her lipstik & take to other classes & to principal.help me what shoud i do ???

I have Full blown Fibromyalgia & have tried & still doing the best I can with my doctor’s care, but I have been reading a book that says to Avoid Salicylates & take Gauifenesin. That Salicylates block gauifenesin & gauifenesin helps your body remove phosphates from your body. Kidney are not working right & customarily friendly phosphates…there’s just too much of it in the wrong places. Actually it’s a book that details a treatment that reverses Fibromyalgia by avoiding salicylates & gauifenesin helps with this treatment. I tried the Gaufenesin after asking my doctor, who said he thought it would NOT hurt me & maybe help. But he also said I did NOT have to avoid salicylates. Nothing happened…. so I reread the book & it says, you must avoid salicylates in order for this treatment to work. If anyone out there has tried this treatment, please let me know. To avoid salicylates: lipsticks, mouthwashes, toothpaste, nasal sprays, plant oil, extract, teas,.

People with Herpes are infected with an incurable disease. Since this disease is passed by sexual relations (an act of human nature) these herpes infested people are a threat to our society. Why can’t we remove the infested ones, & eventually after they all die off, we will no longer be threatened by such a disgusting disease. Hell, oral herpes is so contagious an infected person can simply infect a normal person if their silverware is not properly sterilized in a restaurant. An infected person’s trash is also a risk to others, & of course their lipsticks, toothbrushes, drinking straws & cups too. So, why can’t we seperate them?

I used my girlfriends email earlier. This is my email
My Question is.
Girl Friend, Girl cousins 14 other girls. Please read?
I did asked this earlier today but got little answers so i added in more info.
My Girl Friend want to dress me up as a girl?
Should I do it. i am 80% sure i am going to do it.
She wants me to do it for 5 days.
It might be fun
The first day she will torture me for fun.
The Second & third & 4th & 5th day she is have s sleep over with 16 of her female friends. She wants me to come & be one of the girls. It might be fun I will be able to spend time with my girl friend. My 2 girl cousins will be there. Also My Aunt that is younger then me will be there. I might do it, I never get to spend a lot of time with my girl cousins or my aunt that is younger then me, I care about my cousins & my aunt a lot. Yes My aunt is 14 almost 15yrs old. I volunteer at 2 hospitals during the week.I love my cousins & aunt & i care about them they are my family. I love & care about my GF.
I am not gay. I am 16yrs old.
If i do this i have to get some makeup. i will use some of her clothes
My Questions are
Should I do it?
What Kinds of makeup should I use?
Lipstick
Foundation
Eyeliner
Mascara
eyeshadow
nail polish
blush
other types of makeup
What does mascara work? What does mascara do? How to you remove it?
What Kind of Girl Clothes should i wear? Skirts Bras dresses GIRL SHOES.
What kind of girl places should i go dress as a girl?
What should i expect at the girl sleep over?
she wants me to buy makeup
with out her help
please answer all of my question
The best answer that will help me will get 5 stars
5 stars for best answer that answers all most or all of my question

I ask a question yesterday about a girl sleep over. I am a boy & my girl friend wants me to attend the sleep over & be one of the girls & want to dress me up as a girl. I decided after reading some answers that i am going to do it. My parents will be away that week. I have to stay with my cousins. but they will be at a sleepover. I will be at my gf house. that is were the sleepover is.
She wants me to do it for 5 days & i am.
The first day she will torture me for fun.
The Second & third & 4th & 5th day she is have s sleep over with 16 of her female friends. . My 2 girl cousins will be there. Also My Aunt that is younger then me will be there. I love my cousins & aunt & i care about them they are my family. I love & care about my GF. My 2 female cousins that will be there are the sweetest girls you will ever meet & My aunt is really sweet. We all do a lot together we are family. My cousins & my 14 year old aunt tell me everything. They tell me when they are upset. They tell me everything. I listen to everything they have to say. I am not gay. I am 16yrs old.
My Questions are
What Kinds of makeup should I use?
Lipstick
Foundation
Eyeliner
Mascara
eyeshadow
nail polish
blush
other types of makeup
What does mascara work? What does mascara do? How to you remove it?
What Kind of Girl Clothes should i wear? Skirts Bras dresses GIRL SHOES.
What kind of girl places should i go dress as a girl?
What should i expect at the girl sleep over?
What else should i let them to do me? Be hard

Dictionary for women
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat & cleaned everything up, but, he, “made the dinner.”
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up & down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See “Magician.”
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn’t coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand & say “focus,…breath…push…”
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear…!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere & neck.” After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set & slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage & children. See also “tranquilizers.”
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine’s Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, & romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

I mean, wouldn’t it be more effective to shave your head (like Buddhist nuns) & remove your eyebrows & eyelashes, or wear very plain clothes (like a big hemp sack)? If you want a guy to marry you **only** for your faith & devoutness, wouldn’t that be a good way of testing him?
Also, why do some muslim women wear a hijab & also wear make-up, if the point of a hijab is to deflect male attention? Don’t you realise that lipstick is designed to make the lips look like female labia?
(I ask this with full respect. I’ve always wanted to ask this!)

I ask a question yesterday about a girl sleep over. I am a boy & my girl friend wants me to attend the sleep over & be one of the girls & want to dress me up as a girl. I decided after reading some answers that i am going to do it.
She wants me to do it for 5 days & i am.
The first day she will torture me for fun.
The Second & third & 4th & 5th day she is have s sleep over with 16 of her female friends. . My 2 girl cousins will be there. Also My Aunt that is younger then me will be there. I love my cousins & aunt & i care about them they are my family. I love & care about my GF.
I am not gay. I am 16yrs old.
My Questions are
Should I do it?
What Kinds of makeup should I use?
Lipstick
Foundation
Eyeliner
Mascara
eyeshadow
nail polish
blush
other types of makeup
What does mascara work? What does mascara do? How to you remove it?
What Kind of Girl Clothes should i wear? Skirts Bras dresses GIRL SHOES.
What kind of girl places should i go dress as a girl?
What should i expect at the girl sleep over?
What else should i let them to do me? Be hard

They think if you have bright red lipstick on (and nothing else) that you have too much makeup on. The kind of makeup that is really effective is the sort that you can barely see or detect. People who are good at applying makeup know how to do just right so it doesn’t look obvious, yet it makes the person look much better. I don’t buy that “I like the natural look” thing because it makes no sense. Body hair & odor is completely natural too but no one likes that. In fact, women are encouraged to remove all of the hair on their bodies & do all sorts of other things to improve their appearance, & none of these things are natural.
Also, all of those girls in magazines like Maxim, etc have TONS of makeup on & those photos all have been retouched… guys slobber over those girls yet they don’t realize how fake they are.
I also dislike poorly applied makeup & clown makeup, but I don’t understand the harsh criticism guys have for makeup in general.

I ask a question yesterday about a girl sleep over. I am a boy & my girl friend wants me to attend the sleep over & be one of the girls & want to dress me up as a girl. I decided after reading some answers that i am going to do it.
She wants me to do it for 5 days & i am.
The first day she will torture me for fun.
The Second & third & 4th & 5th day she is have s sleep over with 16 of her female friends. . My 2 girl cousins will be there. Also My Aunt that is younger then me will be there. I love my cousins & aunt & i care about them they are my family. I love & care about my GF.
I am not gay. I am 16yrs old.
My Questions are
Should I do it?
What Kinds of makeup should I use?
Lipstick
Foundation
Eyeliner
Mascara
eyeshadow
nail polish
blush
other types of makeup
What does mascara work? What does mascara do? How to you remove it?
What Kind of Girl Clothes should i wear? Skirts Bras dresses GIRL SHOES.
What kind of girl places should i go dress as a girl?
What should i expect at the girl sleep over?
What else should i let them to do me? Be hard

Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A: “Where’s my tractor?”
A Black man, a mexican & a russian walk into a bar. What a great example of a united society.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong?
Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon & Micheal Jackson molests little boys.
What did the homeless man get for Christmas?
Nothing
Q: What do you call a Mexican flying a plane?
A: A pilot.
Three blokes walk into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, & the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
Why did the sheep dog count 40 sheep when there were only 38
He rounded them up.
A seal walks into a club. However, the particular club he entered had a no animals policy & he was turned away.
Two porn stars, a man & a woman, are going at it during a shoot. They’re doing it doggy style, & the director keeps urging them to do it faster, since they’re in sort of a homestretch two-shot. So they’re really going at it, & the woman kind of looks over her shoulder at the man & says, “Ooh, you feel so good inside me!” And the man thinks to himself, I choose to believe you.
A boy owned a dog that was uncommonly shaggy. Many people remarked upon its considerable shagginess. When the boy learned that there are contests for shaggy dogs, he entered his dog. The dog won first prize for shagginess in both the local & the regional competitions. The boy entered the dog in ever-larger contests, until finally he entered it in the world championship for shaggy dogs. When the judges had inspected all of the competing dogs, they remarked about the boy’s dog: “He’s not so shaggy.”
Two light bulbs are lying in their cardboard sleeve on a shelf somewhere. The first light bulb is a real nervous type. He’s been going on & on. “What if I don’t light up? Seriously, what if I don’t? I will just m’kaying die! God, I’m freaking out. And thanks to our m’kaying packaging, we don’t know whether we’re in a store or a warehouse, or if we’re sitting under someone’s kitchen sink moments away from being screwed in & turned on. What if there’s something wrong with my filament? I mean, it feels OK to me, but there’s not really any way of knowing for sure until I get hit with some current. Sure, I passed the factory test & lit up just fine, but what if …” The second light bulb has had enough. “Will you shut the m’kay up! Just shut up!” There is a long awkward silence. Then the first light bulb says, “Well, what else are we supposed to talk about?”
What did the aborted baby say to it’s mother?
Nothing. Dead babies can’t speak, & even if they could it takes at least a year or so for babies to learn how & because this particular baby was aborted & you can only be aborted if you’re younger than about four months it wouldn’t have had the time.
A man walks into a bar. He then meets some friends & has a rather enjoyable night.
A salesman is sitting in the reception area of a big corporation, waiting to give a presentation to some of the people there. He is kept waiting almost 40 minutes beyond the time of his appointment, & then he’s finally ushered into a conference room. He goes in, & sitting around a big table are two Jews, an African-American woman, & a gay guy of Chinese descent. The salesman goes into his pitch, for software or a phone system or something, & it’s pretty evident a couple minutes into it that these four people couldn’t care less, especially the younger Jew, who keeps checking his BlackBerry. But he plows through the presentation anyway, & when he finishes, everybody shakes his hand & thanks him. He goes out to his car & starts to drive home. On the road, his cell phone rings & he answers it. It’s his wife, & she asks him to pick up a couple of groceries on his way home. He says OK. She says, are you OK? And he says, yeah, I’m fine. She says OK. He hangs up, & this commercial for anti-itch powder comes on the radio, & it’s got all these country-sounding old people giving testimonials about how this powder completely improved the quality of their lives. And the salesman starts crying. Big choked sobs. He shades his eyes with his left hand so that the other drivers can’t see that he’s crying & says, “And I don’t even m’kaying care about this poo!”
How do Helen Keller’s parents punish her?
By giving her a timeout.
A man is walking alone on the beach when he trips, & stumbles accross an old rusty lamp.
Curious, he picks it up & begins to wipe the sand away.
He cuts himself on the lamp, giving himself a nasty infection, but after a series of shots he is fine now.
My dog’s got no nose.
It was cut off by a gang of drunk teenagers in a public park, leading to three successful prosecutions for animal cruelty
Why was there lipstick on the blonde’s steering wheel?
She braked really hard because some m’kaying cat ran in the road & kind of busted her mouth on it.
A woman becomes pregnant. 9 months later she has a baby.
Yo momma is so fat, she developed a serious case of diabetes & had her foot removed.
A farmer, waiting on the side of the road with several sacks is approached by a boy.
The kid asks, “Hey, what do you have in those bags?”
The farmer replies, “Oats.”
Yo mamma’s so dumb she had to take remedial classes all through school.
A guy tells his psychiatrist: It was terrible. I was away on business, & I wired my wife that I’d be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport & found her in bed with my best friend. I don’t get it. How could she do this to me? “Well,” says the psychiatrist. “Maybe she didn’t get your telegram.”
“No, she got it” replies the man. They both remain silent for the rest of the session, after which the psychiatrist proceeds to charge the man $60 for it.
What do you call it when 2 blacks, 3 mexicans, & a jew escape from prison?
A jailbreak.
Yo’ Mama’s so fat the doctors put her on Enalapril for her blood pressure.

I ask a question yesterday about a girl sleep over. I am a boy & my girl friend wants me to attend the sleep over & be one of the girls & want to dress me up as a girl. I decided after reading some answers that i am going to do it.
She wants me to do it for 5 days & i am.
The first day she will torture me for fun.
The Second & third & 4th & 5th day she is have s sleep over with 16 of her female friends. . My 2 girl cousins will be there. Also My Aunt that is younger then me will be there. I love my cousins & aunt & i care about them they are my family. I love & care about my GF.
I am not gay. I am 16yrs old.
My Questions are
Should I do it?
What Kinds of makeup should I use?
Lipstick
Foundation
Eyeliner
Mascara
eyeshadow
nail polish
blush
other types of makeup
What does mascara work? What does mascara do? How to you remove it?
What Kind of Girl Clothes should i wear? Skirts Bras dresses GIRL SHOES.
What kind of girl places should i go dress as a girl?
What should i expect at the girl sleep over?
What else should i let them to do me? Be hard

I need reasurance I sent this picture to this guy that Im soughta seeing he lives in another state.Now I feel embaressed I’ve never sent a guy a picture be4 so Im scared of what his going to say.His been calling my phone but Im embarassed to answer his calls.Was the picture alright to send do u think he liked it do I look like a poser becouse I wasn’t even posing I hate pictures.Im just scared I no its stupid but its true.When he askes about the picture what should I say? http://www.flickr.com/photos/22852351@N0…
Also was my lipstick to much?
The date on the camera is wrong it was taking a month a go when I printed it I got the date removed.

Here is a copy/paste of an article from blogspot.com…
“(From Blogspot:)
Saturday, September 13
Clarion Fund Puts Lipstick on Terrorism Pig Documentary
Who is the “Clarion Fund” & why is it paying for placing 28 million copies of “Obsession: Radical Islam’s War Against the West” DVD’s in swing state newspapers?
The Clarion Fund, who’s website only identifies the group as “a 501(c)(3) organization. We are independent & do not accept funding from the U.S. Government, political institutions, or foreign organizations.” It does not identify who it’s board of directors are, but says it’s “mission is to educate Americans about issues of national security.” Their focus “is on the most urgent threat of radical Islam. By utilizing the following three mediums, Clarion Fund is helping Americans understand that the mainstream media is not adequately conveying the reality of radical Islam.”
Through some web digging, I was able to identify three players, Raphael Shore who is a Canadian citizen who is the producer/co-writer of the film & founder of the Clarion Fund, Wayne Kopping, a South African national, the director & co-writer & Gregory Ross, who is the communications director of this New York based non-profit group. Ross was “originally from Los Angeles & have lived overseas for many years. I moved back to LA from New York after 9-11, & a stint on Wall Street, & started working in the Hollywood Entertainment community.” Ross does not disclose how the film was produced, but is quoted as saying “The film was financed by a concerned citizen who has a long standing relationship with our organization. The cost was under $500k & it took over a year to complete.” Something about this group doesn’t pass the smell test, particularly when no information is available about its donors & board of directors.
Maybe most concerning about this film is that, according to Ross “I know that the U.S. Department of the Navy uses the film & that it has also been shown on Capitol Hill on many occasions in order to education politicians. We have also screened it at countless universities & colleges. However we are unsure as to if it is being used in their curriculums � we certainly hope it is.”
By law, 501(c)(3) organizations are not permitted to engage in political activity, endorse or oppose political candidates, or donate money or time to political campaigns, so it was surprising to learn that there was an article on the group’s new Web site, www.radicalislam.org, that backed Republican presidential candidate John McCain. The article discussed both candidates & concludes:
“McCain’s policies seek to confront radical Islamic extremism & terrorism & roll it back while [Barack] Obama’s, although intending to do the same, could in fact make the situation facing the West even worse.”
According to Clarion Fund director of communications Gregory Ross, the article “crossed the line” & was removed.
Gregory Ross also said in an interview with Frontpage magazine, a right-wing online publication, “we are just a few weeks from completing our next documentary, �The Third Jihad� – though it is not a sequel. This new film will take a look at radical Islam�s activities here in the U.S. We should be releasing the film in early October. So stay tuned.”
Stay tuned indeed, as this group tries to scare voters with their own form of psychological terrorism.
Posted by Gark at Saturday, September 13, 2008
Labels: Clarion Fund, Dirty Politics ”
Regarding “The 3rd Jihad”,I have to wonder how this group could possibly know about “radical Islam’s” activities in the U.S., in that all such information is classified with a high-level security rating (don’t ask me how I know), & no one outside of the White House is being told anything. Hmmm…
Well, if you do get this, consider the source before you make judgements as to whether or not it’s just another piece of propaganda from the Conservative party.

Over the last year or so she went from listening to top 40 pop music to classic rock, to quite heavy, alternative rock. She likes bands like AFI, My Chemical Romance & Aiden (which is classified as gothic or horror punk). I understand that I’m older & probably not very in touch with today’s culture, but I’ve read the lyrics of some of the songs she likes & they are arout death & blood & suicide & overdosing. I haven’t let them be put on her iPod but she was given the CD’s by her Mom of all people so I don’t feel like I can take those away. Plus one over her friends will make her mixed CD’s of them that she sneaks onto iTunes. I have removed many things that we didn’t approve of but it just seems she idolizes that so much, & if we let her she’d be wearing black makeup, lipstick & nail polish & who knows what else. (for all I know she probably already does when she is away from home. Any advice or am I just too protective?

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window & yells, “PIG!!”
The man immediately leans out his window & replies, “*****!!”
They each continue on their way, & as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
————————————–…
A husband & wife were shopping when the wife said, “Darling, it’s my Mother’s birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric.”
The husband replied, “How about a chair?!?”
————————————–…
“I was married 3 times,” explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, “and I’ll never marry again. My first two wives died of eating poison mushrooms & my third wife died of a fractured skull.”
“That’s a shame,” said his friend. “How did it happen?”
“She wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.”
————————————–…
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. “Look Miss,” said the foreman, “Have you any actual experience in picking lemons?”
“Well, as a matter if fact, yes!” she replied. “I’ve been divorced three times.”
————————————–…
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
————————————–…
Bob’s greatest achievement was his brood of six children. In fact, he was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife “Mother of Six”, despite her continual objections.
One night at a cocktail party, Bob decided it was time to go home & shouted across the room, “Shall we go home, Mother of Six?”
His irritated wife hollered back, “Any time you’re ready, Father of Four.”
————————————–…
The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help. “My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!” the shaken man told the cop.
“The car hit you from behind,” the officer said. “How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?”
“I recognized the laugh!” he replied.
————————————–…
Ad seen in paper:
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
————————————–…
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, & none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all & all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I’m referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.”
The man lowered his head & said, “Wedding cake?”
————————————–…
“Congratulations my boy!” said the groom’s uncle. “I’m sure you’ll look back & remember today as the happiest day of your life.”
“But I’m not getting married until tomorrow,” protested his nephew.
“I know,” replied the uncle. “That’s exactly what I mean.”
————————————–…
A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage & put his penis in a vise. He secured it tightly & removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw.
The man, terrified, screamed, “STOP! STOP! You’re not going to cut it off, are you???”
The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, “Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire.”
————————————–…
A man wakes up his wife during the night with a glass of water in one hand & two aspirins in the other. She asks, “What’s this for?”
“This is for your headache,” he says.
She says, “But I don’t have a headache.”
He smiles & says, “Gotcha!”
————————————–…
Joe said, “Know what, Charlie? I killed 5 flies yesterday, 3 males & 2 females.”
“How could you tell them apart, Joe?” asked Charlie.
Joe replied, “That was easy. The 3 males were sitting on a case of beer & the 2 females were on the phone.”
————————————–…
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune & weight & dropped in a coin.
“Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. “It says I’m energetic, bright, resourceful & a great lover.”
“Yeah,” his wife nodded, “and it has your weight wrong, too.”
————————————–…
“I must take every precaution not to get pregnant,” said Edna to Priscilla.
“But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy,” Priscilla responded.
“He did. That’s why I have to take every precaution.”
————————————–…
The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed a familiar face at the bar.
“Honey,” she said as she pointed the guy out, “That guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago.”
Her husband said, “That’s silly, no one celebrates that much!”
————————————–…
Nature has many laws that hold fast & true. For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape; likewise, a baby baboon will become an adult baboon. A baby pig will mature into a full grown pig. A baby jackass will always become a jackass. A puppy quickly matures into a dog; a mongrel pup develops into a cur.
Yet oddly enough, women say a young man may grow-up to be any one of these.
————————————–…
Roger was fed up with his wife, so he packed up his stuff & moved into the garage. Although he couple seldom spoke, he continued to mow the lawn, take out the garbage & fix the car, while she cooked the meals, vacuumed & did the laundry.
Months later, Roger met his friend Don for drinks. “Things don’t seem to be working out any better,” Don remarked. “Why don’t you just move out?”
“Well, if you really want to know the truth,” Roger explained, “she makes such a damn good neighbor.”
————————————–…
Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sent her husband to a therapist who wound up treating him with self hypnosis. And, to her joy, everything got much better.
However, she could not help but notice that each night, early into their lovemaking, the husband would dash out to the bathroom for several minutes. This tormented her until finally, one night, she followed him.
There, in front of the mirror, she found him applying this therapeutic technique: “She’s not my wife… She’s not my wife…She’s not my wife…”
————————————–…
Rex’s barn burned down & his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, “We had that barn insured for fifty-thousand & I want my money.”
The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured & provide you with a new one of comparable worth.”
There was a long pause before Susan replied, “Then I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”
————————————–…
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know, son, I’m still paying for it.”
————————————–…
A man said his credit card was stolen, but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
————————————–…
First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
————————————–…
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet, “Doctor,” he said sadly, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to cut off my dog’s tail.”
The vet stepped back, “Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?”
“Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, & I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”
————————————–…
Wife: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
Wife: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”
Husband: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”
Wife: “In the pool.”
————————————–…
Overheard: “Has your husband lived up to all the things he said before you were married?”
“No, He’s only lived up to one of them.”
“Which one was that?”
“He said he wasn’t good enough for me.”
————————————–…
The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”
“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “You’re lazy.”
“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
————————————–…
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, “I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you & I will turn back into a prince & then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, & you can hold down a full time job, prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children & forever feel happy doing so.”
That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she laughed to herself & said, “I don’t freaking think so!!”
————————————–…
It is two o’clock in the morning & a husband & his wife are asleep when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone & says, “Hello? How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?” He promptly slams the phone down.
His wife rolls over & asks, “Who was that?”
The husband replies, “I don’t know, it was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear.”
————————————–…
A couple comes upon a wishing well. The wife leans over, makes a wish & throws in a penny. The husband decides to make a wish, too. But he leans over too much, falls into the well & drowns. Stunned, the wife smiles broadly & exclaims, “It really works!”
————————————–…
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”
“Because white is the color of happiness, & today is the happiest day of her life.”
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”
————————————–…
“This place is a mess! C’mon, You & I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor, & if we don’t do laundry right now, you’ll have no clothes to wear.”
What a Man hears:
blah,blah,blah,blah, C’MON
blah,blah,blah, YOU AND I
blah,blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah,blah,blah, RIGHT NOW
blah,blah,blah,blah,blah, NO CLOTHES
————————————–…
A lady sought out a fortune teller. The fortune teller tells her, “Be prepared for widowhood. Your husband will soon die a violent death.”
The lady asked, ” Will I be acquitted?”
————————————–…
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, & hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four.”
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, & her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, & in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers & says, “Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!” Again, there’s a bright flash…and his legs fall off.
————————————–…
An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard & directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”
————————————–…
A man rushes into his house & yells to his wife, “Martha, pack up your things! I just won the state lottery!”
Martha replies, “Should I pack for warm weather or cold?”
The man says, “I don’t care. Just as long as you’re out of the house by noon.”
————————————–…
“It’s just to hot to wear clothes today,” said Jack as he stepped out of the shower.
“Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”
“Probably that I married you for your money.”
————————————–…
While at the fairgrounds, a woman wanted to take a ride on the Ferris wheel before heading home. Her husband waited while she took a spin. The wheel went round & round & suddenly the woman was thrown out. She landed in a heap at her husband’s feet.
He gasped & bent down. “Are you hurt?” he asked.
“Of course I’m hurt!” she replied. “Three times around & you didn’t wave once.”
————————————–…
Two men are playing golf when a funeral procession passes by on the street next to the green. One of the men takes off his hat & holds it over his heart. When the procession has passed, the other man says, “That was a nice gesture.”
“Well,” the first guy says, “After twenty years of marriage, it was the least I could do for her.”
————————————–…
An old man goes into the Social Security Office & fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt & shows them the grey hair on his chest & they except that as proof.
He goes home to his wife, shows her the check & explains to her what has happened. She replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants & see if you can get disability!”
————————————–…
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. “Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”
————————————–…
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “We’re doing some heavy house cleaning at home tomorrow & my wife needs me to help with the attic & the garage, moving & hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”
————————————–…
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket & asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
“Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
————————————–…
Two women were talking, when one said to the other: “Do you ever talk to your husband when you’re making love?”
“Yeah,” replied the second, “But only when he telephones!”
————————————–…
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath, & lipstick on his cheek. “I assume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in a six o’clock in the morning!”
“There is,” he replied. “Breakfast.”
————————————–…
A wife, one evening, drew her husband’s attention to the couple next door & said, “Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don’t you do that?”
“I would love to,” replied the husband, “But I don’t know her well enough.”
————————————–…

I had just finished showering & getting dressed & I turn around to find my cat with her two front paws wrapped around my leg, this is not unusual she does it quite often in a friendly manner & she was in heat. I bent down to remove her & at that point she jumped into the air at my face, her first paw hit my lips & her other barely touched my ear & neck, then I had to pull her off. She left 3 claw marks below my bottom lip (only one is deep) & 1 above my top lip that pierced through the entire lip, she kept hissing at me afterwards & I had to usher her out of the bathroom using the bottom of a laundry basket as a shield, the only reasoning I can come up with is she was having hormonal related issues a few weeks ago & I was wearing very bright lipstick (Which I don’t usually do) but if anyone has any other reasons or if you think she is sick in some way (She has had her rabies vaccine quite recently, 4 weeks about & she is an indoor cat) please answer.

I used my girlfriends email earlier. This is my email
My Question is.
Girl Friend, Girl cousins 14 other girls. Please read?
I did asked this earlier today but got little answers so i added in more info.
My Girl Friend want to dress me up as a girl?
Should I do it. i am 80% sure i am going to do it.
She wants me to do it for 5 days.
It might be fun
The first day she will torture me for fun.
The Second & third & 4th & 5th day she is have s sleep over with 16 of her female friends. She wants me to come & be one of the girls. It might be fun I will be able to spend time with my girl friend. My 2 girl cousins will be there. Also My Aunt that is younger then me will be there. I might do it, I never get to spend a lot of time with my girl cousins or my aunt that is younger then me, I care about my cousins & my aunt a lot. Yes My aunt is 14 almost 15yrs old. I volunteer at 2 hospitals during the week.I love my cousins & aunt & i care about them they are my family. I love & care about my GF.
I am not gay. I am 16yrs old.
If i do this i have to get some makeup. i will use some of her clothes
My Questions are
Should I do it?
What Kinds of makeup should I use?
Lipstick
Foundation
Eyeliner
Mascara
eyeshadow
nail polish
blush
other types of makeup
What does mascara work? What does mascara do? How to you remove it?
What Kind of Girl Clothes should i wear? Skirts Bras dresses GIRL SHOES.
What kind of girl places should i go dress as a girl?
What should i expect at the girl sleep over?
she wants me to buy makeup
with out her help
please answer all of my question
The best answer that will help me will get 5 stars
5 stars for best answer that answers all most or all of my question

Should I believe this article?
by R J Shulman
VINCENNES, Indiana – (PTSD News) – Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced today that she has asked top GOP officials to fire John McCain as the GOP presidential candidate. “He has served his country well,” Palin told a cheering overflow crowd in this southwestern Indiana city, “but he is starting to drag down my numbers, so he’ll have to go. To make sure he’s gone,” she said, “I’ll offer one hundred & fifty dollars to the first person to shoot him & bring me his cut off right hand — just kidding. I don’t need to see the hand, a faxed picture will do.”
“If there is anyone who can get officials to fire someone she doesn’t like, it’s Sarah,” said an unnamed Republican spokesperson. “This will be a good move for the GOP,” said Charles L. Sonderheim of the Heritage Foundation, “Palin has been packing them in, while McCain can’t fill a McDonalds.”
Rules state that if the front runner is removed before the election, the vice presidential nominee become the presidential candidate. “We all know that God has anointed her to be president,” said Reverend Ed Kalnin, Palin’s former preacher, “so why delay the process, just like we shouldn’t delay Armageddon.”
“It’ll be great opportunity to be your President,” Palin told the Indiana crowd, “because while it has been fun to see Russia from my house, I just can’t wait to see Russia from the cockpit of a plane as something nuclear is being dropped.”
There has been no word on who would be tapped as Palin’s vice presidential running mate. “We need to emphasize Sarah’s qualifications to be president by picking someone who is a little less qualified than her, but charming, of course,” said a top GOP spokesperson, “However this may take some time, although we have a lead on a pig with lipstick in Waterloo, Iowa that is dying to get off the farm.”
20 September 2008